Walking alongside the seaside, I started to really feel a magnetic pull from the rolling whitecaps forty yards out. I staggered to the place the water rushed over the sand in waves, and I froze. Watching wave after wave roll in, I stared out on the blue abyss till the moist sand started to break down below my weight. The siren’s name beckoned me to maintain strolling out into the depths of the offended ocean. I may disappear and nobody would discover. Or even when somebody finally did, it could be too late.
In these moments of quiet contemplation, I considered my children, my enterprise, and what little I had left of my religion. I was a whole failure in every a part of my life. Maybe everybody and every part can be higher if I weren’t round. I closed my eyes and took one other step into the waves. Then, one other. As I descended into the swirling void, I felt an amazing sense of peace. It was as if the wrathful waves and tossing water had been completely mirroring my interior turmoil. Even although I was getting pounded by the surf, the stress in my physique instantly clicked off like a light-weight swap. I was ready to maintain pushing ahead to a spot from which I won’t return.
I stood within the water with my eyes closed and my mind mentally checked out. Surrendering to my circumstances, I continued ahead step-by-step. As the water surrounded me, I had no sense of time. Time is totally irrelevant once you’re ending your life. Submerged, I continued ahead and felt the water splash above my shoulders as my toes struggled to make contact with the ocean flooring. As my head lastly made it below the water, I simply knew I would discover the peace I was so desperately looking for. Instead, one thing very completely different occurred.
Suddenly, I was scared as hell. My eyes exploded open with a shot of adrenaline as I coughed up salty water. My physique was letting me know that I was mendacity to myself! I didn’t wish to die. In actuality, I was afraid of dying as a result of I nonetheless had a lot life left to stay, although my foggy thoughts couldn’t see it. I turned my again on the raging waves and slogged my strategy to dry land.
When I received to the seaside, I lay within the sand and stared up on the countless stars punching by the evening sky. For a second, the world felt very massive and my issues very small. I realized that what I actually wished was to be a greater man, father, and chief. That incident proved to me that if I didn’t make a change, I would die in Lexington, Ohio.